Sandcastles
by NekyuToi
Summary: Feeling guilt after what he did to Sawyer, Sayid seeks forgiveness on the sands of the island. Can Sawyer put away his tough façade for Sayid... and for love?


Sandcastles

Gazing across the vast ocean, Sawyer felt incredibly isolated as he sat alone on the beach, caressing the sand with his fingers. Sighing deeply, he looked down at the ground and stopped, realising he had written 'Sayid' in the sand. Confused, he scooped sand over it until it was unrecognisable. _Why did I write Sayid? _He thought; the name only brought up hatred and revenge. Revenge for being hurt by him that day… he still hadn't spoken to him since then. Beginning to chuckle quietly to himself, Sawyer pulled out a battered packet of cigarettes from his shirt pocket and slowly lit one, inhaling the smoke deeply. Before the crash, he was intent on quitting, but now he didn't see any point. It had been two weeks now and no one had come to save them; Sawyer had a very weak attachment to life.

Roughly one mile away lay Sayid, who was currently washing his clothes in a homemade sink containing seawater. Rubbing the sweat from his brow as the sun beat down on him, he looked around the beach on which he was currently standing; the shock caused by the crash and the location seemed to have dissipated somewhat, with the people forming friendships and relationships, and generally coping with daily life. Sayid, on the other hand, felt frustrated. He couldn't pinpoint exactly why, but he felt like he could be doing more to integrate within the new society that was developing. He assumed that they weren't going to be there forever, so maybe that was why he couldn't speak so easily to others. Or maybe, it was guilt. Suddenly, the image of Sawyer flashed across his mind's eye. Could that be why he felt down and had difficulty communicating? Reaching for his vest, which had yet to dry, he threw it on and walked in the direction in which he saw Sawyer take earlier.

Sawyer took his hands away from the beach and appreciated the sandcastle he had created; standing ten inches tall, it had been the biggest sandcastle he had ever built (that he could remember). Looking back up at the blue, cloudless sky he started to smile , thinking about how much time he was wasting just sitting there, building sandcastles, time where he could be exploring the island or finding more 'unclaimed miscellanea'.

Hiding behind a tree, Sayid poked his head round and spotted Sawyer sitting on the beach in front of many sandcastles. Taking a deep breath, he propped himself back up against the tree and went over in his imagination what would happen: he would approach Sawyer, attempt to apologise and get told to piss off. Wondering if he should even bother trying to patch things up with him, Sayid again looked around the tree. Someone who builds sandcastles, thought Sayid, couldn't be such a bad person; such an artistic craft required some humanity. Staring over at Sawyer, Sayid couldn't help but feel bad for what he had done. He had asked himself repeatedly why he did it; could it be that he was deliberately trying to avoid some sort of friendship with this man? And if so, why?

Sawyer, bored of making sandcastles, started to destroy them, leaving only one. Moving his hand quickly back and forth, the once magnificent castles stood in ruin, their remains blown asunder by the cool wind. Staring across the water, he couldn't help but think of Sayid, who had treated him so cruelly. He didn't expect no less, though, the way he had been acting. He thought of all the people on the island, and why he was so opposed to socialising with them.

"Such a pity, to destroy what you must have spent hours making." Sayid said quietly, sitting down beside Sawyer.

"If you've come to make good, just forget it." Sawyer spat harshly, not looking at him.

"I've come for selfish reasons, Sawyer." He whispered. "I've thought about what I did to you, and I will tell you now that I regret doing it."

"Your point?"

"I can't stop thinking about why I did it, and I've only just realised why."

"Oh, yeah? I wouldn't be wrong in assuming it's because you dislike me, would I?"

Sayid laughed, dragging his finger across the golden sands.

"If only it were so simple." He sighed. "No Sawyer, it's because I was trying too hard to fit in. I've played many roles since I came here… protector, handyman, and I've even tried to be a hero."

"Why bother? It's pointless in the end. No one's coming and you know it."

"It would be easy to think that, and resign yourself to rotting away on this island, but I know that we won't be staying here forever. We've got to fight, Sawyer." Sayid became more active now, moving closer to Sawyer and speaking directly to his face. "I know what I did was wrong, and I wish I could change it, but I can't. All I ask is that you forgive me."

"Huh. So I can put your mind at rest?" Sawyer asked, tartly.

"No, but so we can start again; I don't want to be your enemy. In a way, I admire you; it takes braveness to ignore the ones who may be your key to survival."

"That, or extreme stupidity." He replied softly, deliberately avoiding Sayid's gaze.

"It takes intelligence to realise one's mistakes and try to improve on them; I know you want to be a part of this island, but I don't know what's stopping you."

Sawyer turned his head to face Sayid and stared into his intense dark eyes. His eyes glistened as he spoke.

"It's because people don't understand, Sayid. They reject what they can't understand!"

"Then let me understand." Sayid replied, placing his hand on Sawyer's shoulder.

"You can't," Sawyer whispered, "you could never."

Closing his eyes to shut out the tears, Sawyer felt something warm and moist against his lips. Even without opening his eyes, he knew he was now in a kiss with Sayid, the man he had been thinking about since the first days here. Gently placing his arms around him, they both fell against the warm sand, breaking the kiss.

"I forgave you days ago; you're wasting your time here." Sawyer choked, barely audible.

"Again, you are wrong." Sayid laughed, quietly. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing."

Sawyer gave a weak smile, and shut his eyes once more. Again, Sayid's lips were upon him, just as he had hoped; what was happening felt like a dream, once from which he hoped never to awaken. The water lapped slowly against the shore, and the wind gently blew as Sayid and Sawyer held each other in a tight embrace.


End file.
